I'm The New Cancer
by TheNovelReality
Summary: Laura has cancer and her dying wish is to meet Panic! At The Disco. What shenanigans will they get into? Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! This is my first multi-chapter fanfic! I know it starts out really slow and depressing, but it gets better, I SWEAR! So, you know the drill, read review, repeat…**

**1.**

"Laura, you have cancer." The doctor told me.

"WHAT?"

"Lung cancer to be exact. I'm so sorry." He walked out of the room to let me compose myself.

How the hell do I have cancer? I'm eighteen, for god's sake! I thought I was healthy; invincible, even. Damn it, what was I going to tell my friends? My family? Anyone? I can't just tell them that I have cancer and I might die! That's ridiculous! How are we even going to pay for all this? We have no money! We live in a crappy little apartment in Reno. My mom is a music teacher and my dad… don't get me started. He can burn in hell for all I care.

_Whoa, Laura. Chill._ I thought to myself. Then it really hit me. _Oh my god, I have cancer._ All these weeks I thought I had a bad chest cold. Then it got worse. We decided to go see Dr. Harmon to get it checked out. Then one week later, here I am. Dr. Harmon walked back into the room.

"I am very sorry about this, Laura. Do you have any questions?" he asked as he handed me a pamphlet that read _Cancer: Treatment and Recovery_.

"Yeah," I started. "How long do I have to live?"

**I know it's short, but they will get longer here in a few chapters. Rate it even if you hate it **


	2. Chapter 2

** A/N Liking it get? It just got started…**

**2.**

One year. A year and a half if I was lucky. That is how long I had to live.

He said if we didn't start treatment immediately, it would only get worse. Even then, it may not show immense progress. My treatment options were not good either. They would try to gradually bring the cell count down in my lungs through radiation treatment.

My mom seemed to take the news well, although I am sure she was holding back tears for when she was alone. The doctor sent us home with even more packets on therapy and treatments and numbers to call.

Later that night, while my mom was rapidly calling family and various doctors, I decided to take a look at the pamphlet Dr. Harmond gave me.

_**Things to consider while undergoing treatment**_

_To speed up your recovery process, you doctor recommends that you follow these guidelines during your treatment:_

_Try to stay away from hard exercise and things that would require you to breathe abnormally_

_Stay away from cigarettes, alcohol, and other drugs that are not prescribed by your doctor_

_Eat foods that are soft and low in acid _

_Keep hydrated_

_Make sure you get enough calories to sustain energy_

Normal stuff. I would have no problem with the cigarettes or drugs. Those went out with my father. I didn't want to think about him now. I didn't even know him. I never did. I never will. My mom said he left shortly after I was born; in a drunken stupor, no less, along with many other unpleasant stories. If I could talk to him… let's just say I would have a few choice words.

I went into my room and grabbed my iPod to drown out my thoughts. I turned the volume all the way up. My mom hates when I do that, but she doesn't understand the magic. I put it on shuffle to sort through my thousands of songs. Happy with my iPod's choice of My Chemical Romance, I fall back on my bed. "I'm Not Okay" is one of my favorite songs. Ever. End of story. A few songs later, the mood switched down from rock, to a softer song. I could not believe it. Out of all the songs it could have chosen to day, it chose "Cancer" again, by MCR. The song meant so much to me before, just because it was a beautiful song, but now…

Irony aside, that song made me depressed. I decided it was time to change the tune. I searched through my artists. Fall Out Boy? Maybe later. Tokio Hotel? Not now, I wasn't in the mood. The Beatles? No, I didn't want nostalgia. Panic! At The Disco. There we go. I could listen to them anytime, with any mood. Just as I was getting into the beat of "There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet" (Jesus, that's a long title) when the doorbell rang. Soon after, my mother yelled "Laura, there's somebody here for you!"

**Again, rate it even if you hate it. (I stole that from WhatTheBuck, I hope he doesn't mind o.O)**


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

His name was Matthew Grey. He was a volunteer at the hospital and was there when my test results came back. I remember seeing him now. After we had sat down, he said that he may be able to make this whole process better for me.

"Ok. Shoot" I said.

"Alright," said Matthew. "If you could have any wish in the world, what would it be?"

"What?" Had I heard him right?

"If you could have any wish in the world, what would it be?" he repeated.

"Aren't I a little old for Make-A-Wish?"

"Yes, but I know somebody who wants to help you. He feels a…personal connection to your story."

"What story? I just got diagnosed today."

He ignored my question. "So, your wish? You could go someplace, do something, meet an actor, a band…"

"Panic!" I almost shouted after a minute of contemplation.

"Excuse me?"

"Panic! At the Disco, sorry. I want to meet them."

"Are you sure that is the one thing you want most?"

"Definitely. They are such an inspiration to me."

"Then we shall make it happen."

"Thank you so much. Oh! One more thing, who wants to do this for me if it isn't Make-A-Wish?"

"Umm… somebody who feels that it would reverse his bad karma."

"And that would be…" why was he being so secretive?

"My Boss."

"Can you tell me anything else? Like a name?"

"He wishes to remain anonymous until he feels the time is right. Goodbye, Laura. I will see myself out."

_Bye._ I thought to the already closed door.

**The plot thickens. R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't worry, it starts to get un-boring at the end of this chapter ;) Did I mention that I don't own Panic! Well, sadly I don't. I don't own Brendon Urie either, that honor belongs to the lovely Ryan Ross.**

**4.**

Exactly one week after my diagnosis, it was time to start chemo. One week of testing, preparation, and nerves. Lots of nerves. Even more so because Matthew said he had a 'surprise' for me when I got out of my first treatment. He couldn't have possibly gotten Panic! to visit me, could he? They are pretty busy with tour and everything, so I didn't want to get my hopes up…

I said goodbye to my mom as they guided me into the radiation room. I have one week rest before I needed another. Before I knew it, they laid me down and said I could go to sleep if I wanted. So I did.

When I woke up, the only thing I could register was that my eyes were closed and that they felt heavy. I didn't want to open them. It hurt too much. Then I smelled something. It didn't smell like it belonged in a hospital. It smelled like…vanilla. I was confused until I thought of what Matthew had said to me. "_After you get out of surgery, I have a surprise for you."_ I put the pieces together slowly…then I shot my eyes open instantly.

"Hey Laura! Glad to see you awake! We've been waiting to see you!" a voice said, directly to my left. I looked over and stared like an idiot. It…he couldn't be real. But he was. _The_ Ryan Ross was sitting on a chair next to my hospital bed. That's not all. He was flanked by none other than Jon and Spencer. Brendon was standing behind Ryan.

It was Brendon who spoke next: "Hey, calm down. It's just us. You might break that heart monitor." He smiled and pointed to the device that tracked my heartbeat, which was beating erratically. The sound of his voice did nothing to slow it down.

"Y-you. You're here." I stuttered stupidly.

Brendon smiled. "Yeah, sweetheart, we are. We came because somebody said it was your dying wish to meet us." Because he smiled, everyone became infected. Brendon, Ryan, Spencer and Jon were all smiling their radiant smiles. I could have sworn the room lit up and the flower beside my bed perked up just a little.

"Oh, yeah. Matthew Grey. He was the one who arranged this. He is a volunteer at the hospital, did you know? He is probably here now. I need to thank him." Why was I talking about Matthew when Panic! At the freaking Disco was here?

"Umm…" Spencer spoke up. "We don't know anybody named Matthew Grey. Our manager told us about you."

"Your story touched us, so we had to come down here to meet you." Jon finished. Wait,_ they_ wanted to meet _me_?

"What story? I think everybody knows why I am special and I don't! I don't understand! I'm not special. I have cancer. So what? I'm going to die. So what? It happens to everyone! I-" Ryan cut me off by putting a finger to my lips.

"You _are_ special, Laura. You have to realize that. Our manager-"

"Ryan!" Spencer warned. "Not yet. Let the girl have fun first."

I was so confused. So many questions…I decided to keep quiet. I didn't know where to start.

"Okay!" Brendon broke the awkward silence. "You wanted to meet us, so where do you want to go?"

"I thought I was confined to this bed, I did just come out of chemo."

"You've been asleep for a while and we already got the clear from the staff…"

"Let's go then!"

"Where?" Brendon asked, excited now.

"I don't care! Let's go!" I laughed as we called in the nurse to unhook my monitor.

**R&R. If you are reading this far, I already love you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is my favorite chapter (so far. It gets better.) **

**5.**

Disneyland. That's where we ended up going to. It was a very long ride and very uncomfortable in Spencer's cramped car. We had five people and…four seats. See where this is going? So we spent eight hours in the car listening to Ryan complaining about Brendon's lap. Finally I got tired of it and said "Shut up Ross and calm your boner. We all know you like it."

I have never heard a car so silent. Until Jon busted up laughing. I turned to Ryan and he was bright red and looked like he was about to die of embarrassment. Thankfully Spencer pulled into a rest stop so we could stretch and rearrange seats so Ryan would stop being such a wuss. When we shuffled back into the car, Jon and Spence had switched, Ryan was in my old spot and Brendon was in the same spot as before. Ryan had a vengeful grin on his face. Brendon had a welcoming smile. This could only mean one thing…oh god. I mouthed 'I hate you' to Ryan as I turned beet red. "Who's embarrassed now?" he whispered back.

I went around to the other side of the car and Brendon opened the door and I got in, sitting on his lap of course. Really awkward. We all got buckled up and headed out. We still had about an hour left till we got to the hotel. I sat there very awkwardly and glared at Ryan, who was unsuccessfully holding in laughter. I sighed and leaned back into the corner of the car next to Brendon's shoulder. A few minutes later after everyone had calmed down, my phone dinged and I saw a text from Ryan. I looked over at him and he looked at the phone; then winked at me. A little creeped out by the wink, I opened the text and it read: _I only started complaining so Spence would pull over so u could have that spot. Bden likes u better. U should b thanking me love, Ryro_

I looked at him in disbelief. He smiled back. I looked at Brendon to see if he saw our exchange, but he was asleep or at least pretending to be. I texted back: _what about "ryden"? Is there any truth to that, or is it just crazy fan girls?_

I could see him silently laugh through the corner of my eye and respond: _my anon blog is powerful thing isn't it? Of COURSE ryden is real! I made it up to get Bren. It worked until he saw you. It's cool; he's still my bitch ;)_

_Ummm…well, yea, he is. Lol. _I agreed after some thought.

_So… "Calm your boner?" That's new. I may need to remember that one._

_Yea, Jon sure got a kick out of it_

_Yea, he laughs at anything remotely perverted. And cats…he loves cats. Do NOT talk about them in front of him_

_Point taken. Anything I need to know about Spence?_

_Nah, he's chill. A little less outgoing than the rest of us, but he'll warm up to you soon enough_

_Cool. And….Bren?_

_Umm. Well, he is a terrible cook. We let Jon and Spence and delivery guys do that ;) he sings in the shower, not that we mind…I usually have to dress him…_

He sent that and looked over at me

_Maybe you too. Look at that. Blue shirt on blue jeans? And NO scarf? Horrible. Oh yea! One more thing!_

…_yes?_

"HE SNORES REALLY LOUD!" he yelled in Bren's ear, which was close enough to mine to make me scream. I hadn't even noticed he was snoring until he stopped and shot his head around looking for the source that woke him up.

"God Damnit, Ross!"

"Sorry. Just thought you should know that we are here."

I looked out the window and saw the banner for Disneyland: The Happiest Place on Earth and couldn't help but smile and let out a little giggle. Brendon hugged me from behind at my laughter.

**R&R. Rate it even if you hate it. All that jazz… I don't know when I will have a chance to write in the near future. I started school this week and my history teacher is kinda psychotic... I will be loaded with homework but I will always write when I can if I keep getting those amazing reviews...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I know Ryan seems like more of a jackass than normal. That is part of the plan. Trust me **

**6.**

We pulled up to our hotel-inside the park, ohmygod- and unloaded out bags into the room. There were two giant beds and a comfy-looking couch. I headed towards the couch to set down my bags but Ryan raced passed me and flung his stuff down before me

"But… if you have the couch," I turned around to see Jon and Spencer putting their stuff down on the same bed, "and they have theirs, then…" I turned back to Ryan and he winked at me. I leaned down and whispered in his ear "ya know, I love ya and everything, but you are _really_ starting to bug me. Do you think you could be any more subtle?" I said sarcastically. Brendon noticed our exchange and came over to us.

"Is there a…problem?"

"I-"

"Nope." Ryan interrupted, popping the 'p' at the end. Brendon looked at me, then back to Ryan. I could see the wheels turning in his head. He finally looked around the room and then back to us. "Ryan" he said.

"Yea, Bren?"

"Could you come outside with me for just a moment?"

"Sure"

When Ryan turned away to walk out the door, Bren turned back to me and winked. I knew he understood the situation and I knew what he wanted me to do. As soon as the door was closed I quickly switched out stuff so I was on the couch and Ryan was on the bed. Not even two seconds later I hear a giant SLAP followed by "Shit, Bren! What was that for?" I did a mini fist pump. Bout time somebody bitch slapped him.

They came back into the room. Bren looked content while Ryan had on a scowl and rubbed his cheek.

"Thank you." I mouthed to him. He smiled back.

"SO!" Bren announced, "How bout we get something to eat? I know this GREAT place in New Orleans…"

"We are in Disneyland, Bren. Not Louisiana." Spencer stated.

"New Orleans Square! Duh!" Bren stuck his tongue out at him.

We took the monorail to the park (seeing as I was not supposed to do much exercise, and walking to the park is more than you think.) the guys were all wearing sunglasses so they wouldn't get mobbed by fan girls. When we walked past all the restaurants, Jon finally asked "Where the hell we goin, bro?"

"Just chill man; I know what we're doing! Oh wait! Here!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me through a back alleyway and through a door that looked like a janitor's room. When we walked inside, there was a small bar and enough tables to seat about ten people. There was nobody there except a guy in a blue shirt and red bowtie. The definitely contrasted against the shabby room. He showed us to our seats.

"What is this place? This definitely does not look like Disney…" I questioned.

"I know a guy who knows a guy…" he smiled.

We sat down at a little wooden table lit only with a dim candle. Our server, named Dallon, gave us our menus and went to get us some drinks. All I could have was water, but the boys got creative with the alcohol. Jon got a beer whose name I couldn't pronounce, Bren got a "Mickey special", Spence got down with the bubbly, because he is just so classy, and Ryan got a mother-freaking Blue Ribbon.

"You God damn hipster" I accused after the waiter left.

"Always" was his reply. I looked at the menu and frowned when I remembered my diet restrictions.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked.

"According to my doctor, I can only have foods that are soft, low in acid, and high in calories. Something to do with my not wanting to die…" I chuckled slightly at the last statement. Then I looked around. I saw four smiles smiling at me.

"Ryan," Jon said, "would you do the honors of initiating our guest into the _club_?"

"Certainly. Leave it to me." Everyone put down their menus and the waiter returned with our drinks.

"Are we ready to order?"

Ryan ordered before i could even question "give us five Kitchen Sinks please."

"What kinds?"

"Surprise us?"

"Having a party, are we?"

"HELL YES!" Bren interjected. We all laughed.

We talked about what we were going to do in the park tomorrow. What Shows, rides, and other shenanigans could we get into?

Dallon came back to our table in about ten minutes with a GINORMOUS ice cream sundae! He placed it in front of me and said it was Oreo. He had to come back for each one because they were so big. In the end we had Oreo, cookie dough, cherry chocolate chunk, vanilla, and bubble gum. We decided to switch them around. Ryan called dibs on the vanilla (shocker!). I took the cherry. Jon took the cookie dough. Spencer took the Oreo and Bren took the bubble gum (matching his personality).

"If you eat that whole thing, you are initiated into the _club_." Jon said.

"What? This thing is bigger than I am!" I protested.

"Pity. I thought we could use a girl in the club. I guess you are just too delicate…" Ryan taunted.

"That's it, you bastard. Give me that spoon!" I grabbed the spoon and ate. I ate like I never had before. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I was about a quarter through. I was starving! I hadn't eaten all day and the chemo had drained me.

I was almost done when I started to get full. I had four decently sized bites left. I was so sick. I put my spoon down in defeat.

"Aww! So close! I guess she just can't take it! Poor girl" Ryan mocked. That pissed me off. I picked up the spoon again and muttered "go to hell, Ross." I slowly scooped a bite and put it in my mouth. I felt so sick but I couldn't turn down a challenge like that. Without thinking about it, I shoveled the last bites into my mouth and tried to swallow without throwing up.

There was a burst of applause from the guys as an extreme sense of pride came over me. Ryan smirked as he said "I've gotta admit, that went pretty damn well….for a chick."

Brendon glared at him, and said "That went well for anyone, you ass." I laughed as I told Bren it was totally fine, because I finished it at all.

Jon decided this was the perfect moment to intervene with this lovely statement: "Okay, BRING ON THE ALCOHOL!" Spencer and Ryan vehemently agreed with him, while Bren and I rolled our eyes.

I then proceeded to let out the biggest yawn ever. "What time is it guys? I feel like we've been here all day long." Ryan gave me the look and said, "We've only been here a few hours. We've been driving all day."

Bren jumped in with, "Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Ross." Jon and Spencer, who'd both had a drink or two, started laughing like little girls, breaking the tension and making the rest of us laugh.

"I'm just so tired...agh…" I slumped over in my seat, about to pass out. Bren looked over and caught me right before I fell from my seat.

**A/N: I hope you guys liked this. Next chapter will have a little more mystery and romance…aww! My bestie helped me with the last bit of this chapter, so if you hated it, blame her. Jk! I edited! Sorry about the long chapter, I just had a lot to say. Please review, even if you don't like it, any review helps the story get better. I love you all and hope Spencer's smile radiates a God-like hail of glittery pixie dust that is Ryan's leftover coke **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7. And it's not even CLOSE to being done! Thanks for your continued support. I couldn't do it without you. **

I don't remember much of anything but waking up on Bren's shoulder, his arm around me, and Jon and Spencer wandering in at about 11, completely plastered, singing a very loud and off key version of "Toxic" by Britney Spears. I couldn't help but giggle at their honest attempt.

"Bren," I asked. "How did I get back here?"

"I carried you after you passed out. Scared the hell out of me. I thought you blacked out instead of fell asleep."

Aww! That was the sweetest thing ever!

"Yeah, sorry, I usually don't do that. I just got really tired all of the sudden. It's the chemo, I guess."

"It's cool. You look adorable when you sleep, by the way."

I blushed. I couldn't take him being so sweet.

"Where's Ryan?" I asked when I noticed his absence of snarky remarks.

"George met some _weird-ass_ dude as we were leaving and stuck around to talk to him-*_hic_*-so Jon and I left him…_there!_" Spencer slurred. Brendon closed his eyes and shook his head in disapproval. I wondered why…and where the hell Ross was.

Just then, Jon started crying hysterically. I was about to get up to see what was wrong when Bren stopped me. "Just watch. He does this every time he gets drunk" he whispered.

"SALLY! I miss you! Why did you LEAVE me? I can't live without you!" he started sobbing.

"It's okay, man." Spencer comforted him, patting him on the back. "She was a bit of a whore anyway."

"Sally, my gorgeous Sally, was NOT A WHORE, SMITH!"

"Sorry, man. Ididn'tmeanitlikethat." Spencer apologized, or more like slurred.

"Aww. Is she talking about a girlfriend?" I whispered to Bren.

"Keep listening."

"She was so beautiful. Her hair was so soft and smooth. I miss the way *sniff* I'm sorry."

"Stay strong, buddy." Spencer probably wouldn't remember this in the morning.

"Okay. I miss the way she used to meow when I pet her."

Wait…what? I looked over at Bren to get an answer and he was shaking the couch laughing silently.

"Is he talking about his cat?"

Brendon nodded, unable to speak. I have to admit, I started giggling too.

"I think I'll go find a lost kitty and call her my own…" Jon mused, walking out the door, Spencer following.

"Wait! Should he be driving?" I worried.

Bren pulled out a pair of keys from his pocket and dangled them by his pinkie. "I don't think they will get that far. I doubt they will even find the car. I'll give them two hours of wandering around the parking lot before security escorts them back.

"So…what do we do 'till then?" I asked.

"Err…watch TV?" I could tell he was acting awkward. Strange. He kept on looking toward the door nervously.

We settled on NCIS. I wasn't really paying attention. I was staring at Bren through my peripheral vision. I watched as his chest softly rose and fell as he took soft breaths. His eyes were fixated on the screen, but I could tell they were somewhere else-he was thinking about something. Knowing he would tell me if it were important I decided to break the silence.

"You know Bren, I know I've only been hanging out with you for a day, but I think you are my best friend." I smiled at him, still wrapped in his arms.

"What about your friends back home?" he broke his trance.

"They haven't really talked to me much since graduation. When I told them about the cancer, they avoided me like it was contagious."

"Aww, sweetie!" he pulled me closer for a hug.

"Nah, it's ok. I have you guys. You make me feel better. Like I can actually get through this. You know, Jon is like a funny uncle to me. And Spence is almost like a dad. Ryan is kinda like a sister to me…" he and I both laughed a bit, it _was_ true, after all… "And you…you are kinda like a big brother to me." I smiled. His face fell slightly, but went back up into a grin again, although this time, it wasn't genuine. Had I said something?

Just then, Ryan walked into the room sided by a slightly more sober Jon and Spencer.

"Where the hell have you been Ross? It's almost one in the morning!"

"I got sidetracked, ok? Get off my case! I found these two loons in the parking lot." He jabbed his thumb toward the two band mates behind him. Wow, he was in a really bad mood. Who pissed in his cheerios?

He slammed the bathroom door and started the shower. I looked to Bren for answers, but he just shook his head and told me he would deal with him later. The expression on his face just about broke my heart. He looked like his best friend had just died. Whatever had just happened stung. It stung bad. He turned away quickly, but not before I could see a little shiny drop in the corner of his eye. He helped Spencer and Jon get into bed so they could sleep off their hangovers.

When he turned back around, I hugged him with everything I had. He hugged me back and rested his head on my shoulder. We stood like that for God knows how long until we heard the shower turn off.

"You should try to go to sleep," Bren advised. "You don't wanna be awake when I figure out what the hell is wrong with him."

"I want to help!" I protested.

"Laura, please. I'm begging you." he stared right into my eyes. "If the problem is what I think it is, you do _not _want to help. Trust me. Go to sleep. It will make me feel better."

I couldn't argue now. I'll go to bed, but there is no way I'm going to sleep. I need to find out what's going on.

**What do you guys think is going on? Ideas for the story and/or constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Just a quick chapter to set up my muse for the rest of the story…surprise towards the middle, if you hadn't already figured it out **

"Do you really want to know where I was, Bren?" Ryan challenged.

"Come on, Ry, you know you can tell me anything."

"I talked to my dad. My fucking dad. The man who made my life a living hell until he left when I was seven. I know that was a long time ago but I STILL have the scars, Brendon!" I could hear the tears in his voice, even through the pillow I was laying on. I was turned toward the back of the couch so they couldn't see that I was only pretending to sleep.

"God, I'm so sorry. What did he want? Was it about…you know what?"

"Yeah. He thinks it's time. Don't worry; I got him to hold off for another few months, just so we can work things out…"

"Ry, what happened to your face? Did he…?" I heard a sob from Ryan and a tear slipped down my face. I don't care how much of a jerk he can be sometimes, but NOBODY hurts my friends! When I see this bastard…let's just say it's not going to be pretty.

"God," Brendon said again, "if he even comes close to you again…"

"Don't worry about me! We are here for her, remember? That's why our manager called us here, to protect her!"

Well, this is new information…

"Fine," Brendon amended, "if he ever gets near _her_, I will have to personally kill him."

"I feel there is something more going on here…"

"Do you really wanna know?" he said hesitantly.

"Of course. I have a feeling though…"

"I'm in love with her. But I can't be. It's just not possible."

"I knew it! Why not? Just tell her!"

No need to, I can hear everything… I was really close to crying again.

"Don't you DARE think about telling her, Ross. I can't be in love with her because of two reasons: one, she told me that I'm like a big brother to her. What the hell am I going to do with that? It broke my heart…"

No! The tears were flowing freely now, but still silent. I had never meant for it to be like that. I only meant because he was so nice and protective and oh God no!

"And second is because she has cancer. It is so unstable... I can't say anything about a future that might not even be there. I want her so badly, but if I tell her, it will only make it hurt twice as bad if something does happen."

"It's going to hurt even more if you miss that opportunity, but I totally get it, dude. Listen, we are going to have fun tomorrow. Make it the best day of her life. Put all this bullshit aside for ONE day, just to make it special for her. Think we can do that?"

"Yeah. I'm just glad I could get that off my chest without her hearing. I would die of embarrassment."

"Umm…cool man. I just thought you should know that she's been awake the whole time."

**Sorry for the short, sad chapter. It is relevant to the story, I SWEAR! Share the love, and the Panic!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok guys, I don't want to be the one who apologizes for not updating, but here I am! So sorry, with 3 honors classes and band, school is kinda kicking my ass right now. But I thought I would do a quick update with another (bigger) chapter later on this weekend. This is just a teaser, so don't get mad! Anyway, happy Friday!**

I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. I had no idea what was going on but I knew one thing: I was going to die. Soon. Brendon was hovering over me, looking confused and lost and scared. If there is a thing more terrifying that dying it is seeing Brendon Urie scared. It broke my heart.

"I love you Laura!" he cried out to me.

"I-" was all I was able to choke out before…

I gasped as I sat up quickly on the couch. It was dark and the room was quiet, except for my staggered breathing- the only thing letting me know I was still alive. I tried to take a few steady breaths to even myself out and stop my trembling hands. I decided to get up and get a glass of water. As I was walking towards the bathroom, I checked the clock. 7:30. Our alarm was set to go off at 8 so it was useless trying to go back to sleep. I got my water and went back to the couch. Pulled back the curtains a bit to let in a little light to read the book I brought: Pride and Prejudice. I don't know how many times I've seen the movie, but I'm only _just_ now reading the book? Pathetic. I looked up from my book to scan the room to make sure I hadn't woken anyone up when I noticed something- some_one_ – was gone.

Brendon was missing.

**Another chapter will be up soon (can't exactly say when, but SOON) I love you all, especially if you leave a little constructive criticism in your review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Happy (very belated) birthday, Jon! In honor of his 26****th**** birthday, this chapter is for (and all about) him! Enjoy!**

I ran outside in a desperate rush to find Brendon. I looked down the halls, but no Bren. I looked out into the parking lot, toward Spencer's car and saw something move inside. I walked toward it, but Bren didn't notice. He had his eyes closed and the radio on. Through the slightly cracked window I could hear "Sea of Love" by Cat Power coming through the speakers. I didn't want to interrupt his moment, so I went back inside.

The alarm had already gone off and everyone was starting to stir. Ryan was the first one fully up. He came over to me and whispered in my ear "Jon's birthday is today. We have a surprise for him later. Don't tell him." I smiled.

"Got it." I replied "Hey Jon!"

"Yea?" he asked groggily, still getting up

"How is Sally doing?"

"Who the hell is Sally?" I knew he wouldn't remember!

"Never mind. Get up! We're going to DISNEYLAND!" I was truly excited now, even with everything that happened last night.

"Alright!" he laughed and pushed Spencer out of the bed to wake him up.

"Damn you, Walker." Spencer cursed. I wonder if they are like this on tour. This is freaking hilarious!

"Don't 'Damn you, Walker' me!" he feigned offense. "It's my birthday!"

"And a fine one it will be!" Brendon exclaimed, walking into the room.

I couldn't help it. I smiled at his new expression. He was happy. Like everything that happened last night disappeared when he was listening to that song. I had to hug him.

"Umm…hi?" he said when I ran into him, the same as I did last night.

"If you two are gonna be like that, we should have gotten two rooms." Ryan smirked, earning a dirty look from both me and Bren.

"Shut up and put some clothes on. I'm tired of seeing you shirtless." I scowled at him.

"No you're not. Anyway, I put some clothes out for you, Bren. And you…" he looked me over. It made me uncomfortable because his gaze was on my chest longer than it should have been.

"HEY!" I snapped my fingers. "Up here?"

He coughed "oh yes! You should go with black shorts and that light purple top that fits a little loose. I have a scarf you can borrow that would go with it. Hell, you can have it. I can't work purple anymore."

"You went through my bag!" I freaked

"No, I just hope you had something like that. I guess I just got lucky." He winked. Again with the creepy-ass winking. Wasn't this boy gay?

After everyone was dressed and ready to go, we headed out, again on the monorail. We swiped our ticket passes into the machine and entered the park. I couldn't believe it. It was even better than I remembered it. I hadn't been here since I was six. Where to start?

"Yo, birthday boy!" Spencer shouted to Jon who was running down Main Street excitedly. "Where do we go first?"

"Space Mountain! That's my favorite!" he ran like a little kid to Tomorrowland and we followed close behind.

The line was painfully slow, but we finally go to the front. The lady at the front put me next to Spencer, Jon with Ryan and Bren with a single rider. Thank GOD the girl was oblivious to the fact the Brendon Urie was sitting next to her. If it were me in her shoes, I might have gotten security called on me ;).

Sitting with Spencer on a roller coaster is a lot like seeing him drunk: funny as hell. Throughout all the dark twists and turns, he shouted and screamed like a little girl. I couldn't concentrate on the ride because I was laughing at him so much.

When we went to go see our pictures, it was definitely a sight to be seen. NOBODY looked attractive…except Brendon. He sat in the back with his arms crossed and the biggest ass grin on his face. You know, being a BAMF can go into overload sometimes. We bought the picture and went to several other rides. We decided to go on Splash Mountain before lunch. It went normally until the drop. I was sitting behind Brendon. Just as we were going over the edge, when they took our picture, he turned around and kissed me on the cheek. I was stunned. I literally couldn't move until the guy running the ride told me to get out. Nobody else knew what happened until we saw the pictures. Jon's reaction was the funniest: "damn boy! You got to do two things you love, kiss a girl and show your ass off to the camera!" I blushed. He was right. And I couldn't stop staring at it! Damn! I told them that I would be in the bathroom, but I really needed some cool water to get the blush out of my cheeks.

We sat down with our sandwiches and sides (Chips, grapes, soda, what have you) and talked about what to do next.

"I know it sounds childish, but I kinda want to go to Tom Sawyer's Island and explore." I suggested.

"Bitch, PLEASE! If you think that is childish, you should hear what Ryan did in Chicago-" Spencer started.

"SHUT UP!" Ryan stopped him.

Spencer ignored him. "He put on a tutu and danced around the stage during our rehearsal for tour."

"Jesus!" I exclaimed. "And just how much alcohol was involved in that?"

"None." Jon said confidently.

"Bad ass, Ross! Let your gay shine through!" I laughed.

Ryan shook his head and opened the box of grapes and popped one into his mouth. Then all hell broke loose.

"NO FAIR! It's my birthday! I should pop the first grape!" Jon sounded offended.

"Calm down, Jon! We can all pop grapes" Bren consoled him. "We can even play the game"

"I LOST THE GAME!" Spencer shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Damn." Everyone mumbled.

"Anyway…what is going on? What game?" I asked.

"It's a game where we throw grapes into each other's mouths and whoever doesn't catch it has to do something embarrassing." Brendon explained.

"Oh. Ok, let's play!" I said, not thinking that they would all throw grapes at me at the same time.

But they did. Assholes.

"Shit! That's not fair!"

"We never said there were rules!" Jon smiled.

"You asshole. Ok, what do I have to do?"

Once again, I saw four smiles bearing down on me.

**Sorry if this makes no sense at all. It's a game I made up in Spanish class because…what else am I supposed to do, learn? Anyway, same rules apply. You don't catch the food; you do something stupid/embarrassing. Let me know what other shenanigans they can get into that security may or may not kick them out for! And don't forget about those amazing reviews!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! To be completely honest, I kinda got lazy. But I'm back! Thanks to I-write-fanfics-not-tragedies for not only being my very first reviewer way back in chapter 1, but also giving me ideas. One of them I kinda tweaked a little and made it a helluva lot more enjoyable than my first draft of it ;) I like this chapter, I hope you do to! One more thing: I typed this up on my phone, so the formatting and spelling are guaranteed to be horrid **

We ended up smack dab in the middle of Adventureland. Bren got out his iPod; you know…the ones that you don't need headphones for? Yea, this was not looking dignifying for me. Spencer had disappeared sometime during our walk, so I could only assume he was planning my torture.

"Ok", I finally said. "What is my punishment?

"Dance battle." Brendon smiled in a way that made my heart beat weird.

"With…who?"

Just then, Spencer walked towards us arm in arm with Tigger. Oh HELL NO! There was NO way I was gonna kick Tigger's ass. Not in a kids park! Then Tigger made a gesture that was all too familiar to me. "Come at me, bro!" he beckoned. It was SO on!

"Just so you know, I was on the drill team in high school. Prepare to die." I said simply, which issued a deep "Ooooohhhh!" from the people watching. I never really bragged about it, but I was a DAMN good dancer. Brendon started the music. I recognized it immediately. This was my JAM! Yeah! By Usher. I could feel my body getting into the groove of the song. My hips started their back and forth motion on their own, a natural reflex. I let my body go as I found my two true loves mixed in one amazing combo: music and dancing. Tigger waved his hands and jumped around like an idiot, trying to get the crowd excited. I thought how funny it would be when I did that after my victory. I had danced to this song way too many times, so I started into my routine of drops and twists and flips. After one particularly complicated move which involved me spinning while flipping backwards, I looked over a Brendon. He was absolutely floored. I don't know why he was staring; I've seen him dance like that in music videos before! The song ended with a roar from our audience, which had gone from ten to about a hundred. Tigger was sitting down, waving his hand at me in defeat. I smiled as I copied his 'crowd pleaser' from earlier. People went insane. I wonder if they thought I worked here...

I knew I wasn't done yet when a new song came on and Ryan stepped into the circle. I caught the first few beats of the song before I turned toward Bren and yelled at him.

"Really!'My Humps'? Could you have picked a more inappropriate song?"

"I didn't pick it!" he defended "Blame him!" he pointed toward my challenger. Thinking about it again, it kinda was appropriate. I started dancing along, thinking of new moves because the ones I imagined for this song would not be alright for the kids watching to see...  
>I stopped suddenly in the middle of the song. My face was very red from dancing my heart out, but now it was quickly turning blue. I couldn't breathe. I remembered what the doctor said about hard exercise. Oh shit.<p>

"Ryan!" I mouthed. He was the closest person to me. He ran over to me and analyzed the situation for two seconds before shouting for a medic. Brendon rushed over to see if he could help. They led me over to a nearby bench just as the medics ran over to us with a tank of oxygen. They hooked me up to it and got the crowd to disperse. The medics told me to stay still and breathe normally. I could now because of the tank. Spencer was over with another park employee explaining my condition and filling out an accident report. God I was so embarrassed. After about ten minutes, they took me off the tank but still stuck around to see if I could manage. To add to my embarrassment, Jon sat down next to me.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm so sorry, I know it was your birthday and then this happened and-"

"Hey," he interrupted me. "Don't sweat it! It would have happened to one of us anyway. We are notorious for partying too hard." I giggled at that. "Besides, those badass moves of yours sure made up for it. I'm just glad to know you are ok. It's so strange. It's like you're one of the guys, but... A girl. And we always look after our guys."

"Err... Thanks?" we both laughed and I hugged him. "Happy birthday. And by the way, I think am one of the guys now. I finally feel like I belong."  
>Since I didn't want to go back to the room yet, we took it easy the rest of the day; sticking to mild coasters and walking slowly as to not tire me out. I felt bad for keeping the rest of them behind, but they didn't seem to mind, and the conversation with Jon had made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. The sun was finally starting to set, so we made our way over to the lake for fireworks.<br>We were able to snatch seats right up against the lake and got ourselves settled. Ryan went to go get snacks while Jon and Spencer wanted one last round on Pirates. So it was just Bren and me. I got up close to him so our arms almost touched and laid my head on his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around me and we sat like that together for what seemed like an eternity until Brendon broke the silence.

"So... Last night. How much did you actually hear?" he inquired, thoughtfully.

"We don't have to talk about it, if it's awkward for you..."

"Is it awkward for you?"

"No, I just... Yesterday when I said that you were like a brother to me, I only said that because I wasn't sure what I felt about you. And when you said... What you said to Ryan, I became a little surer."

"Of what?"

"That's the problem. I don't know. I don't know what you are to me. You are everything I think a brother should be: kind, protective, loving... But you are also what I would have loved in a boyfriend back in high school: artistic, free willed, collected. And now..." I didn't know how to finish.

"And now you don't know what you want." he answered for me.

"Exactly. And you were right about what you said, that if something happened..." I thought of my dream last night, his expression...I thought of what could have happened today. I willed tears back.

"But so was Ryan. Think about that." I looked into his eyes and saw the Brendon he wanted me to see. Not the brotherly Brendon, but the Boyfriendly one. I saw nothing but pure love and want for me, but also enough patience and control to last a lifetime.

"You know, I hate it when Ryan is right..." I said as I leaned a little closer to his mouth...  
>"When am I not right?" Ryan interjected. Damn you, Ross! We both pulled away from each other and looked back at him. My body instantly felt cold without Bren's body to keep it warm.<p>

"All the freaking time..." I mumbled so only Bren could hear, earning a smile from him.  
>Soon, Jon and Spence joined us again, their clothing damp from the ride and we watched the boats go by and the water spray and color and light up. When it got to the point when the water lit on fire, I jumped at the sudden heat attacking us. Bren laid his hand on mine when he noticed me jump and that heat flooded to my face. The finale was amazing and spectacular in a way that only Disney can pull off.<p>

After an enormous battle with the crowds, we finally found our way to a shuttle to take us to the hotel. The ride was about ten minutes, so I had time to think. A little too much, I believe. I started thinking about Bren and what he had said vs. what Ryan had said. I thought about what happened today. The fact that I almost died didn't upset me, it was the realization that came after: I am not invincible. This means I would weaken over time. This means I would die. Even worse, if I don't get better, I may never dance again. That is worse than any death I could imagine. I knew what I had to do now.  
>When we got up to our room, Ryan turned on the computer and logged onto Skype. I sat on the couch and watched everyone together. It was like looking through a camera lens. I was the photographer. The funny thing about pictures is that you know the photographer is there, but the scene always looks just fine without them. That's how I felt now.<p>

Ryan called us all over to the computer. A woman was on the other side of the video chat. She wasn't big, but she wasn't skinny either. She had wavy brown hair and green eyes. She wasn't wearing any makeup, but she didn't need it. She was naturally pretty. Jon spoke up "Hey Harper!"

"Hi, sweetie!" she answered. Aw, this must be his girlfriend back home. I smiled slightly. "Happy Birthday! Oh! And this must be that other girl you told me about...Laura, right?"

"Yea. Hi." I quietly waved at the camera. I could tell just by the way she talked that she was a likable person. I hope Jon knows how lucky he is...

"Ok, so the boys and I have been planning thus for a while and we came up with the perfect gift for you." she leaned out of the camera's view and came back up with a box. She took off the lid and a little ball of fur popped out of the top. The ball of fur was white and orange with a red bow around its neck. The kitten mewed and I swear I could see the testosterone leave the room. I have never seen four grown men melt down like that.

"Wow you guys... I LOVE IT!" Jon freaked out.

"It's a girl. My aunt's cat just gave birth about a month ago. What do you want to name it?" Spencer said.  
>"I don't know, I'm not too good with names..."<p>

"You should name her Sally." I offered, which made Brendon smile.

"I don't know what it is with you and the name Sally, but it's not too bad..."

"Wait man, Sally sounds like a whore name." Spencer interjected. This just keeps getting better and better. I tried unsuccessfully to hold back laughter.

We all congratulated him on his new family member (he kept the name Sally, despite the objection) and Jon, Spencer, and Ryan went out drinking (again), leaving me alone with Bren. Again. I took out my book to read but didn't get very far until my thoughts took over once more.

I didn't realize I had zoned out until Brendon snapped his fingers. "Hello? You ok in there?"

"Yea. Yea I'm fine."

"You've been staring at the same page for twenty minutes. What's on your mind?"

I stopped myself from saying 'you' and tried to figure out how I was going to explain myself without offending anyone after I said what I was concluding all night.  
>"Brendon...I think it's time I went home."<p>

**Oohhh... Cliffhanger! Sorry guys, but you got a super long chapter this time. Hopefully that can buy me time in case I run late on the next one! Review please! It makes me happier than Jon with his new kitty! I know that most of this story has no basis in fact whatsoever, but my imagination works in overtime and kicks logic's ass, so here we are…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys, I know this is a really short chapter, but I need to take some time off (maybe a week or so) to figure out where this is going. I know exactly how it is going to end (and what the mystery is XD) but I don't know about the middle. If you guys could give me ideas, that would help me out so much! **

"What? Why?" Brendon exclaimed.  
>"Because I think everything is coming on a bit too fast. I mean, being a part of your group, you being in love with me, and whatever that whole thing about 'protecting me' was. I think we both need some time to clear our heads and some time for you to figure out that you are not really in love with me and I need to figure out why I'm in need of protection and-"<br>Brendon put a finger to my lips to silence my ongoing explanation.  
>"I get it. And you're right. You need some time to think about all this. As to the rest, you're dead wrong." he smiled. "But if going home is what you really want, then I have no right to stop you."<br>"Bitch, please. You couldn't even if you tried." I hugged him. "But thanks. Now we just have to tell the others why we have to spend all day in the car again tomorrow."  
>" I don't think that will be a problem." he sat down in front of the computer, typed a few things in and turned around. "Viola!" he said. "Five plane tickets to Reno on an 11:15 tomorrow morning."<br>"What about the car? Doesn't someone have to drive it back?"  
>"Oh, we'll just have Matt drive it back up for us." he said. He suddenly paused and stiffened, as if he had been caught with a murder weapon in hand. He looked into my eyes and I stared right back. Fire against ice. Suspicion against terror. Then I realized what his slip up was. He was talking about Matthew Grey. I thought back to the first time I met the band back at the hospital.<p>

_"Oh, yeah. Matthew Grey. He was the one who arranged this. He is a volunteer at the hospital, did you know? He is probably here now. I need to thank him." _  
><em>"Umm…" Spencer spoke up. "We don't know anybody named Matthew Grey. Our manager told us about you."<em>

"Brendon..." I slowly started.  
>"I can explain..." he stammered.<br>"Ok, then. Explain. Start with telling me how you know Matt."  
>"Well, we-" Just then, his phone rang. "Speak of the devil!" he said and ran out of the room, leaving me alone. It looked like I wasn't getting the answers I needed. But I was going to get them. No doubt about it. <p>

**Again, leave me your ideas and I will give you special credit. Honestly the only reason I am posting today is to fill a void in my heart. Panic! At the Disco is playing in MY city (10 minutes from my house!) with Patrick Stump and I can't go because it is in a bar. What kind of hell is this? So instead of a concert and hugging the person who pretty much gave my life meaning, I am writing a crappy filler chapter. Sorry, everyone. The next one will be better. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys, I know you haven't seen me in forever and it's my goal this year to see you a lot more! I've finally decided to stop letting the world happen to me. I'm going to happen to the world!**

A few hours (and pointed looks) later, everyone was packed up and ready to go. There was no question- I was getting the single seat in the car. It was a 20 minute drive to the airport and everybody knew that I was not in the best of moods. I wasn't angry, not really. Just confused and extremely sad that I had the stupid idea to go home. I hadn't realized up until this moment how much I would miss everyone, even if I had only known them for a little while. It felt like I had known them so much longer than that. The weirdest thing- they seemed like they had known me for a lot longer than 2 days as well. I looked out the window at the landing strip that was only about a mile away. Too late to back out now.

In the parking garage, we switched off the car and handed the keys over to Matt. Nobody dared look at me. Except Bren. He gave me a side glance and met my glare. He mouthed "later. I promise". I had a feeling that later was not in the near future.

As we took off, I saw LA disappear behind us. Naturally, Brendon sat next to me, with Ryan on the other side of him. Jon and Spence were right behind us. They were happily chatting away with the punk-ass kid they were sitting next to. I smiled at the assumption of the thoughts of that kid. Bren looked over and saw said smile. He nudged Ryan and he took it as a signal to break the awkward silence in our row.  
>"So, are we gonna get to meet you mom?" he smiled.<br>"I guess. You might want to watch yourself. She has always wanted a daughter with fashion sense." I looked him over so he would get the hint. "She may just have to steal you and use you as her artist's muse."  
>"Somehow, I don't think I would object to that..." he said, which made me giggle a bit.<p>

The flight, thankfully, was a lot less awkward and a lot shorter than I thought it would be. We were claiming our luggage and calling a taxi before I knew it. The only thing that really got me through it was the thought:"This isn't over. You will see him again."

Pulling up to my apartment complex was strange. Not in a "coming home after vacation" strange, but more like a "Bringing a guy friend home who your mom doesn't know and she might assume that he is your boyfriend which would have been a fine explanation had it not been for the fact that he is not despite Bren's fascination toward the subject and my equally powerful caution."

I had called my mom last night, so she knew we were all coming. So it wasn't a total surprise. She welcomed us all in with open arms, like she normally does to any visitor, and sat us all down on the couch while she went to make coffee (and of course a glass of water for me). Brendon obviously sat next to me, putting him next to the arm of the chair and Ryan was on the other side, squished by Jon and Spence on his other side. Three seat couch. Five grown people. Very nice.

My mom came out with the drinks and chatted with us about the trip. We selectively took out all of the "awkward" parts. (The fights, the suggestive comments, Bren and my's complicated situation...) We reluctantly told her about the dancing incident and she may or may not have completely come unglued for a minute.

"Laura, you could have DIED!" she freaked.  
>"I know mom, but I didn't. So I would appreciate if you would stay calm in front of our guests." One thing about my mom: she is prone to over-reaction but can be calmed down easily.<p>

"You're right. I'm sorry." she directed toward the boys.  
>"It's cool. You should see Ryan freak out when he's on his meriod." Spence laughed.<br>"Meriod? What's that?" mom asked.  
>"Man period." Spencer smiled his devilish smile while looking at Ryan. I put my head in my hands. God, Spencer, shut up, I thought.<p>

After about an hour of slightly awkward conversation without much intervention from Brendon, I decided to give him a tour of the house. Yep. All 40 square feet of it. While turning around in the tiny hallway, we got stuck. I was waiting for Bren to slide out of the way, but he just stood there.

Assuming he was waiting for me, I started to move away. Apparently Bren wasn't having that either. He took my hand, almost roughly. I looked him in the eyes and he stared right back.

"Laura, please answer me truthfully. Are you coming back?"

"Of course I am. I love you guys!" I saw the lights brighten in his eyes at my choice of words, so I quickly finish "As friends, of course." He smiled at my blush, again.

"You never fail to amuse me. Out of all the fans I've met, you are the only one who wouldn't give their leg to be with me. I think that only make me love you more."

"Bren, stop-"

"But why? I can see it in your eyes. You love me too. When are you going to stop resisting yourself?" he asked, very serious, but never raising his voice.

"The only reason I'm resisting anything is because you were right! That night you thought I was asleep, I was awake and I heard everything. You were right. What if something DID happen? I couldn't leave you like that."

"On the other hand," he started, "it is better to love and lose than to never have loved at all."

I couldn't look him in the eyes, so I looked just off to the side, to a picture of me and my mom when I was eight. I looked so happy and innocent. I would give anything to go back.

"One day," Bren whispered in my ear, letting go of my hand, "I'm going to get you out of here. I promise. I'm going to make sure you are so happy you could burst. And I'm going to make sure you live someplace with hallways big enough for two." he paused. "You know what? Never mind. I kind of like being this close to you."

**How did you like it? Let me know! Reviews are golden!**


	14. Chapter 14

**What? Two chapters in two days? I know! Who needs finals anyway? I can't concentrate without a break (been studying for 3 hours) so you guys get a treat. Hopefully I will get up to chapter 16 by next Tuesday in honor of my 16****th**** birthday! **

**And also, I know that some of the songs I reference are not in order with the timeline of the band, but it's a story. I could kill Hitler if I wanted to (Or lock him in the closet like they did on Doctor Who)**

**One more thing. Thank you guys. The story wouldn't even be this far along if it weren't for you.**

It was about four days since my new friends left to go back to wherever (probably Disneyland). I wasn't too happy about the doctor's appointment I had today, but it had to be done. My mom, not wanting another situation like the one at the park, insisted that I don't go alone. I really wanted to go alone, but she wasn't having it. I understand why, but still… I made her agree to wait outside while I saw the doctor, though. I wanted to explain and not have her freak out.

"So," Doctor Harmon said "for only being a little while into treatment, you are doing remarkably better. The cell count has gone down about 10% in one treatment. You should know how uncommon that is. But, because your mom called in beforehand and told us about your little accident… *damn, I thought* we are putting you on medical probation."

"What does that mean?" sounded very sucky.

"It means you are going to be under the careful watch of a family member or hospital staff until your next appointment, 1 month from now. You are lucky your mom volunteered. Some of the staff here is… "Friendly". I laughed at his sarcasm. But laughter aside, yeah, it was sucky.

Walking back down the halls that smelled like piss and 409, I realized that I never felt more alone in my life. If only…. No, I went home so I could stop thinking about him. Now is my chance to not break the heart of the man I love. I wasn't going to blow it.

That resolve lasted about an hour because when I got home and my mom explained the terms of my probation (I can't even go outside) I went straight to my room. My light purple walls and band posters welcomed me. Thank god I didn't have any pictures of Panic! I might die. Sadly, my iPod, yet again was determined to kill me, because the first song it played was 'The Calendar'. Finally given up, I decided to let my emotions do as they will with Bren's voice softly embracing my ears. I listened closely to the chorus:

"Put another 'x' on the calendar  
>Summer's on its deathbed<br>There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends  
>And I meant everything I said that night<br>I will come back to life  
>But only for you<br>Only for you"

I couldn't help but cry. It was too much. It's like he wrote that song in anticipation for this moment. I DO know how it's going to end, and I DID mean everything I said that night, whether I really wanted them to be said or not. But the last part… If only I could come back for him. If I could, I would. Only for him.

Or maybe…no. Bren isn't going to die anytime soon. He can't come back.

But I know he would. For me. "What the hell", I decided; "Carpe diem!" and I went to go call the man I love, unafraid and not looking back.


	15. Chapter 15

**I've decided to try something new. Bren's POV. If you like it let me know and I might do it for other chapters. This is another of my favorites. You'll see why.**

**Brendon's POV**

I miss her. There is nothing more to it. I haven't seen her in four days! Even worse, I had no idea when I would see her again. I didn't want to text her because she said she wanted time. Ry said I had that crazed look in my eyes that I only get after I've been thinking too long.

"Don't worry about it, man" he tried to console me. "If she doesn't love you, don't let it get to you. There is always someone else. I mean, her mom…"

"RYAN!" I yelled, disgusted.

"What? I was just going to say her mom seemed to be a little protective anyway. WE had to sit down and talk with her while you were off coppin' a feel!" he defended. I ignored him.

"The thing is, she does love me. That's why she doesn't want to start something, in case something does happen. She is using my own argument against me!"

"Has your argument changed?" he questioned, sitting down beside me on the couch.

"You were right. I would regret it more if I didn't do something than if I had. I tried explaining that to her, but she couldn't look me in the eye after that."

Ryan nodded his head slowly, contemplating and answer. After a minute, he sighed. "She'll come around. She has to. I just hope she does before you-know-who shows up again. It's already late July. I got him to wait until December, but that's it. We have to start explaining things or get her out."

"I'm never going to subject her to that. I'm getting her out, if it's the last thing I do." I declared.

"How are you going to do that? Wait-" he pieced together my words. "You're not!"

"Already have one picked out." I smiled, triumphantly.

"Little soon to be moving in together, don't you think?"

"If she agrees, then it won't matter. It feels like I've known her my whole life."

Ryan squealed like a girl and waved his hands around. "Can I-"

"Fine," I gave in "But only if you keep it small and tasteful!" I warned.

Ryan snorted. "That's what she said!"

"Grow up."

"Oh my GOD! Jon! Spence!" he yelled, springing up. I quickly pulled him back down.

"Shut up! Don't tell them. They'll ruin it with their big mouths! Let me tell her first!"

"When?" he urged for details.

"When she decides she wants to talk to me, I guess."

Just then, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and froze. "Just…not today." I raised the pitch of my voice slightly in pure fear. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears.

The phone kept ringing.

"You gonna get that, lover boy?"

"Umm… what do I say? I can't tell her now, but I have to talk to her!"

"How about you start with 'Hi', and take it from there."

"Err… right."

"Now, pick up the phone…" Ryan instructed, as if talking to a mentally challenged toddler.

I shakily picked up the phone and pressed talk. "Hello?" I said shakily.

"Bren?" an angel answered. Relief and joy washed over me like a waterfall. I was glad I was sitting down or else I might have fallen at hearing her say my name. What she said next took me breath away and almost made me believe in God.

"I was wrong. I love you."

**R&R**


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm back! And I am now officially 16! So for my birthday, YOU guys get a present! Chapter 16!**

Laura's POV

It was late August when I had my next appointment. This past month had been amazing and very difficult at the same time. It was amazing because I have never felt more alive and in love in my life. After I finally called Bren and became his official girlfriend (to the dismay of millions of fan girls), I have been feeling a lot better. My appetite is healthy, I can move around a lot smoother with less chest pain, and overall, I just feel brighter. This month was also the worst for two reasons. Reason one: I was on medical house arrest. This meant no visitors. This meant I could only talk to Bren over phone and text. Which I did almost constantly. Because of that, I didn't exactly get as much sleep as I needed. So I was still tired, but my newfound energy made up for that. The second reason for a bad month was chemo. I had a session every week on my new schedule. It really took its toll on me too, as I expected. I felt nauseous and moody like no PMS could compare. Then, my worst nightmare. My brush started collecting more hair. One morning I stared at my blue and green brush. My long dark red hair was literally flowing off the sides in clumps. I was kind of mad because I had just dyed it two weeks ago. It kinda made me come to terms a little more with what was happening to me.

It was all going to be okay because today was my one month checkup and prognosis. In one of my many phone conversations, I asked the whole band to come down and be there with me. Of course they said they would. They were in Reno chilling and writing songs anyway. It kinda pissed me off that they were in the same city and I still wasn't allowed to visit or have them come over, but I couldn't do anything about it. They planned to meet me at the hospital. I was shaking with anticipation on the way there.

I walk into the waiting room and Bren has his back turned to me. The other three don't. I put my finger up to my lips and they catch on. I sneak up behind him ever so slowly. Just as I am only three steps away from him he spins around and sweeps me off the floor in a giant hug filled with one month's worth of hugs he is cashing in. when he sets me down, I glare at Spencer.

"You told him I was there, didn't you?" I accused, lightheartedly.

"No, actually. Nobody said a word. I just felt like you were there. I always know when you are around."

All I could do was smile ear to ear.

The doctor called us in as we were catching up on everything over the last month.

He asked me the generic questions: how are you feeling? What is your appetite like? Have you been getting enough to eat and drink? Do you sleep enough? I answered all the questions honestly and told him about my hair falling out. Dr. Harmon's face drew slightly dark. He pushed his glasses up and sat in his swivel chair.

"This is where things start changing, Laura. You have been doing remarkably well and keeping your spirits high. That helps us a lot. But there are some things we can't control."

Brendon took my hand and stroked it gently.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Like you have already experienced, your hair will fall out because of the radiation treatments. Other things will happen too. You will feel disoriented, nauseous, maybe even some pain. Your emotions will go out of control, you won't want to eat, you won't be able to sleep even if you are so tired, you-"

"Enough. Please." Bren interjected for me, seeing my face.

"Just trying to prepare you. Just remember one thing: You have cancer. Cancer does not have you."

We looked over my MRI's and progress reports and determined the house arrest had helped a bit and I was now free, if I used caution in my activities. The treatments have been going well, but the prognosis for a long term solution was still shaky. We thanked Dr. Harmon and left. My mom agreed to let me spend the afternoon with the guys, so I took their car.

We took Jon's new truck that he bought himself for his birthday, which just so happened to have a seat for everyone. We drove downtown to a little coffee shop that nobody knows about and talked.

"We have really cool ideas for music videos." Spencer said. "We have a concept laid out for 'Honey, There's a Reason-"

"Yes, Spence. We know the name." Ryan hushed him.

"Anyway," Jon said, turning his attention towards me, "The only problem is that we don't have choreography planned because out choreographer bailed on us for Fall Out Boy. Well, she didn't bail, she just likes Pete's dick better than mine. Battle of the bases, I guess…"

"So we were wondering, because you are obviously a better dancer than me AND Tigger, if you would like to choreograph and shoot the video with us?" Ryan asked.

"Umm…YES! We would need to take breaks and do the dances a little slow at first but… oh my god, this is amazing!" I rejoiced and hugged everyone. "After all, I AM the new cancer." I joked.

"And you've never looked better." Bren winked at me.

"And _I_ can't stand it! How can you work that top so well? Those are MY colors!" Ryan complained, staring down my red and purple top with envy reserved for Prada shoes.

We all laughed and went over video concepts, all while holding Bren's hand under the table.

**The more reviews I get, the faster the next chapters will go up. I'm really excited about them, but I'm also really busy, so if you want them, you have to earn them! When finals are done, I get a four day weekend, so I will post sometime in there! Thanks again for all the reviews and support. I came back for you.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: This chapter is...err... different. Not for little kiddies, but defiantly SFW. I'm not THAT much of a perv! (Not here anyway)**

In the week before we left for LA, a lot happened. And I mean A LOT. Spencer got escorted home by police for being piss drunk, Ryan watched Titanic with me and we both cried our eyes out (me for about 20 minutes, Ryan for about 2 days), Jon's girlfriend brought Sally over to visit. She had gotten so big and her fur had slightly changed from an orange color to an orange-y grey. She was still gorgeous. Brendon found a new thrift store downtown and insisted on going every day. As for me, I seduced Brendon Urie. Yea, you did read that right.

Here's how it went:

In our big planning meeting with the director, we discussed dance moves, concepts, and costumes, theme, etc... all the fun stuff. Then we got to brainstorm. I came up with the idea for the battling divas concept. There was going to be plenty of catfights, whoring around and arsenic. What else are you supposed to spike punch with? Alcohol? That's boring. Ryan obviously volunteered to be my rival Diva. Bren was going to be the singer at the club where this all goes down. He has had this role before, but he doesn't mind it if he gets to see me dance again. It was Spencer who came up with the idea to have me sing. I was completely against it, but was outvoted. Damn. Bren offered to give me singing lessons, so of course I had to oblige. They excused us to go practice in another room. We found one and Bren closed the door behind us.

"Sooo...Where do you want to start?" he asked.

"Um... well I was thinking I could sing one of the choruses and the part at the end that goes slower."

"OK, why don't you sing it for me and we'll see what needs to be worked on."

"err..." I fidgeted awkwardly, not quite comfortable with singing in front of Bren. What if I didn't match up?

"Don't be nervous." he smiled. "Do you wanna sing it with me the first time?" I nodded.

"Ok. ready?"

"_I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it!" _is all we got through before I started laughing.

"What?" Bren asked, chuckling a bit himself.

"Sorry, this is just so odd... me singing. I can do it, but I just get nervous. and this is sort of a hard song..."

"Do you want to try another one?"

"Sure, you start and I'll join in when I feel comfortable."

"Alright." He got a strange look in his eyes and picked up a guitar that was conveniently placed in the corner. He guided us over to a futon on the far wall and sat down. He picked a few notes and started singing "Lying". Instantly my heart melted.

Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
>Am I who you think about in bed?<br>When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?  
>Then think of what you did<br>And how I hope to God he was worth it.  
>When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.<br>I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck  
>Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you-<p>

"Well" I interjected, and he stopped.

"Well what?"

"I'm not so sure about that..."

He was still confused and I wasn't even sure what the hell I was doing, so I decided to do what any love drunk girl would do in this situation- I pushed it farther.

"Do you really think you have 'more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, _and_ a better fuck?' I'm not so sure. You may just have to give me a demonstration." I smiled at him.

"Ummm..." He was nervous. Yum. I moved toward him and sat him down on the futon, sitting on his lap.

I silently prayed for the courage for what I was about to do. I kissed him. For real. For the first time, I really kissed him. And hot damn, was he right about the kissing! He moved his lips to my neck. I bit my lip. Holy crap!

"Wait!" I interjected.

"What?" Bren stopped for a moment before returning his lips to my neck "Are you scared because you're a virgin?"

"I am most definitely NOT!" I defended.

"Really?" He inquired, dropping his voice low next to my ear "Then why are you acting like one? You _are_ the one who started this whole thing." He gestured to our ...err... seating arrangements on the futon.

"Ok, maybe I am a virgin." I said, a shiver racing down my spine, "But it doesn't matter, because with the passing thoughts I've had about you, I might as well not be." I smiled when I heard his breath hitch.

We continued with kissing for what seemed like forever, perfectly content, when we heard something.

"WHAT THE HELL?" It was Spencer at the door. Shit!

"Ummm..." I scrambled off Bren's lap.

"It's not what you think..." Bren tried to save my sorry ass from the awkward situation.

"I saw nothing!" Spence turned and walked away.

Bren and I looked at each other. What now?

"Umm... sooo." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Yea, uh..." Neither of us were quite sure what to say.

"You don't think he'd tell the others, do you?" I asked.

"Oh." Was all the answer I needed. I jumped up and sprinted down the hallway after Spencer.

I caught up to him and he looked flushed in the face, until he saw mine.

"Whoa, whoa! steady... here, sit down." He cautioned as he pulled up a random chair in the office hallway. I sat in it and took deep, steady breaths. It wasn't easy because I was wheezing so hard, I was afraid I'd have another episode.

"Don't. Don't tell..." I panted.

"Laura, Laura. calm down. Take deep breaths. I'm not going to tell anyone." he leaned in closer. "But, just between you and me, if you get winded just by running down the hall, you shouldn't be trying to jump on Bren."

I lightly smacked him and breathed out in a huff. "Shut up." I breathed with a smile, a little more in control.

"C'mon," he said, helping me up, "Let's go back to the meeting."

"Can I just go back home for right now? You know... get some rest? You guys can pick me up tomorrow before we leave."

"Sure, but our plane leaves at 8:00, so we will have to pick you up before 7."

"Yea, that's fine. I'll be ready." There was NO way I was going back to that room. I would most likely bust up laughing if I saw Ryan.

Bren caught me on the way out. "Hey, you okay? Spence said you-"

"Yea I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Played your most sexual song? You knew what you were doing. And trust me, this isn't over. I'm gonna finish this." I smiled and touched his face, then turned away and sashayed toward the car.

**A/N: So? What did you think? Did you like it? Did I go too far? Not far enough? Are you wondering when I'm going to stop asking questions? Yeah, me too. Usually, I don't write things like this, but my friend dared me. So, anyway, sorry to say this, but any chapters before the middle or end of March seem very unlikely. I know this chapter was supposed to be up over a month ago, but I hope you all still care about the story and are not getting bored with it. The next chapter is going to be the video shoot with special guests and a VERY special question from Bren. Go back a few chapters and ponder that...**


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm back! Yea, I know: "4 MONTHS! That is one HELL of a hiatus!" My normal excuses (which are not excuses because they are valid) of school, work, and family still apply. But school is now out of the picture (even though I have a TON of summer homework) I will have more time to write. In fact, I have another chapter coming out either today or by the end of the week. This whole story has only about 10 chapters left, and I hope to have it done by the end of the year. I love all of you (especially my followers/reviewers!)**

We had to take another plane to the city our studio was in where the tour bus would be waiting. Speaking of airplanes, I will NEVER let Ross get up on a plane again. Spence had separated me and Bren because of our little "rendezvous" yesterday. Nobody understood why, and I intended to keep it that way. As he guided us to opposite ends of the row, I heard him whisper to Bren "Sorry, bud, no mile high club for you". I just about died in the isle. That was the funniest shit I've ever heard. We finally got settled with me in a window seat, Ryan sitting next to me on the isle, Bren opposite Ry, Spence next to him, and Jon next to some poor girl behind us talking nonstop about Sally.

About halfway through the flight, Ryan got up to use the bathroom, only to be tripped by Bren's foot that was 'accidently' in the middle of the isle and slam right into the flight attendants tray, sending peanuts and other cheap, flavorless snacks flying through the air. While everyone was fussing over the spilled snacks and Ryan's scraped arm, my boyfriend and I nearly pissed ourselves we were laughing so hard. A quick glare from the diva stifled our laughter.

When we landed, I had to run to the bathroom. God, I hate the nausea that comes with chemo. A nice old lady saw me rush in and held my hair back as I was sick. When I was done, I explained that I wasn't pregnant (even though she was convinced I was) and told her about the cancer and the treatments. She got very quiet, but the look in her eyes said it all: my husband.

"God bless you, child." she put her hand on my shoulder, nodded her head and shuffled out of the bathroom.

I got some water and washed my face to get rid of the clammy feeling and stepped outside the bathroom. Knowing Brendon was right there, I walked out and fell right into his arms. He held me and stroked my hair, asking if I was okay. With only a simple nod, we turned and walked to get our bags and go to the bus. Always available to lighten the mood, Jon yelled "Let's light this shit on FIRE!" and we tore out of the parking lot towards the studio.

**I know it's short, but the next chapter should be up soon!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Possibly my favorite thing ever. Just read. I'm proud of this one :D**

No. Way. This could NOT be happening to me. I seriously couldn't handle my emotions. Patrick Stump was standing not five feet in front of me.

"so I heard our buddies are shooting a new video, eh? And this must be the girl you were talking about, Bren. Wow she is pretty!" I blushed (trying not to scream) and he shook my hand. I've always loved how... normal he was. He always treated his fans with respect, like they were on the same level as he was. Soon after that, Pete, Andy and Joe walked in. It was funny how they automatically teamed up by band position (Bren/Patrick, Ryan/Joe, Jon/Pete, Spencer/Andy) and formed little cliques. After gossiping and giggling like schoolgirls for half an hour, we got serious.

I was completely awestruck at the work that goes into a video. It is almost magical; the lights, the directing, the music, acting, choreography (by me) and everything else. After sitting in hair and makeup for hours with Ryan and getting fitted for my dancing dress, we were ready to shoot. The members of Fall Out Boy made a cameo even though they were at their own video shoot yesterday and tired out of their minds. They played Ryan's posse that teamed up against me (you know 'your name is cheap, you look like shhh-') and I played the fading diva that eventually spikes the punch.

The whole video was very '20s vaudeville/ flapper girl oriented. I didn't complain though, because my character was also a bit of a whore and 'had' to flirt and dance with the poor nightclub singer (poor Brendon indeed)

Needless to say, the singing (even my part) was great, the dancing was great, the set, the concept, everything was fantastic! I couldn't have been happier with it. My favorite part of the day was the fact that I didn't have another dancing incident. It made it easier on everyone that we shot short dance sequences and more plot development.

As everyone was packing up, Bren pulled me aside.

"Let's go somewhere for a little while, just you and me, alright?"

I couldn't refuse that, now could I? As we said our goodbyes, Bren leaned in to whisper something in Ryan's ear. Whatever it was, Ry jumped up and down, clapping his hands like a damn seal and squealing like a nerdy fan girl at comic-con meeting The Doctor.

We were able to snag one of the security 'cars' (It's a golf cart) and drive around the empty studio lot looking at the Pasadena city lights in the distance.

"I'll take you to my hideout. nobody knows about it, not even the owners of this place." he smiled his paralysis-inducing smile. My heart just about jumped through my skull.

Bren's hideout was an underground tunnel. If you went to the back of the lot, just before the chain-link fence, there was a manhole cover at the edge of the property. Bren pulled it back and took a small flashlight out of his back pocket.

"My secret weapon." he raised his eyebrows and I giggled. "It's going to be dark and scary for a while, but it is SO worth it. Just stay close." I hugged his arm and he helped lower me into the hole.

The tunnel wasn't too scary...not scary at all actually, but I wanted Bren to feel macho for a while so I let it slide.

We walked for all of five minutes before I saw what he was talking about. The tunnel suddenly opened up to the side of a hill. All you could see for miles around were stars and bright city lights. It was absolutely breathtaking. We sat at the edge of the tunnel, which was just an old pipe, and let our feet dangle over the edge. We held hands and I put my head on his shoulder, thinking about everything and nothing.

After ten minutes of just sitting there, Bren leaned over and started singing "When the Day Met the Night" into my ear. He sang in a slow, low voice, just loud enough to barely hear him. I could have fallen asleep it was so peaceful.

"I never understood that song until now." I mentioned.

"How so?"

"I never had anyone to associate it with until now, but now that I do, it makes so much sense."

He kissed me and everything floated away. All the pain, all the sickness... I was just...me.

Then his phone dinged.

"That's Ryan." He flashed a devilish smile. "We should go."

"Why? Why are you smiling like that?"

"I've waited a long time for this. No time for questions, let's go!"

We walked back through the pipe at a much quicker pace and were back at the bus in no time. Bren tapped a rhythm on the door and I heard shuffling coming from inside. We walked inside and all the lights were off. Bren ran to the back of the bus but told me to wait there, so I did. I couldn't see a thing. Suddenly a single light shone in the back of the bus, right on Bren. He was wearing a tux. How did he get changed so fast? Then three more lights shone on the rest of the band. Where were these lights coming from? Is Ryan holding a trumpet? Can he even play? My questioned was answered when they started to play. Oh God no. They were playing Frank Sinatra. Specifically, "The Best is Yet to Come". One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artists. There is no way he could have known, unless he went through my iPod when I wasn't looking... My thoughts instantly stopped when Bren started to sing:

_Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum_  
><em>You came along and everything started to hum<em>  
><em>Still it's a real good bet, the best is yet to come<em>

_The best is yet to come, and babe wont that be fine_  
><em>You think you've seen the sun, but you aint seen it shine<em>

_Wait till the warm-up is underway_  
><em>Wait till our lips have met<em>  
><em>Wait till you see that sunshine day<em>  
><em>You aint seen nothin yet<em>

_The best is yet to come, and babe wont that be fine_  
><em>The best is yet to come, come the day that you're mine<em>

_Come the day that your mine_  
><em>I'm gonna teach you to fly<em>  
><em>We've only tasted the wine<em>  
><em>Were gonna drain that cup dry<em>

_Wait till your charms are right, for the arms to surround_  
><em>You think you've flown before, but baby you aint left the ground<em>

_Wait till you're locked in my embrace_  
><em>Wait till I draw you near<em>  
><em>Wait till you see that sunshine place<em>  
><em>There aint nothin like it here<em>

_The best is yet to come, and babe wont that be fine_  
><em>The best is yet to come, come the day that you're mine<em>

_come the day you're mine_

_and you're gonna be mine._

The whole time, Bren was slowly sashaying his way toward me. By the time he got to me, He was on the last verse and practically whispered it in my face. Unexpectedly, he got down on one knee and pulled out a velvet box from his jacket pocket. My heart stopped and the only thing in my head was a chanting chorus of "ohmygodohmygodohmygod".

"Laura?"

"Yea, Bren?"

"You know what's coming don't you?"

"Yea, I do."

"Is that your answer?"

"Is that your question?"

"err...right. *achem* Laura, will you go on tour with us?" He opened the box to reveal a red guitar pick with my name on it in shiny silver letters.

I hugged him. "You are so dead! Of course I will! Just so you know, living with me will get CRAZY!"

"Is that a promise?" He winked.

I sighed, for two reasons. One, to brush off his comment. Two, because he didn't propose for real. Thank God.

I had my reasons.

**Wanna find out what happens? Review, follow the story and spread the love. The next chapter *should* be up next week sometime. I know I've been keeping you guys waiting forever so I gave you two chapters today.**


	20. Chapter 20

**And now I give you: Chapter 20! and Happy 4th of July to all my U.S readers and a happy Wednesday/Thursday to all my non-U.S readers!**

Ryan wasted no time taking over EVERYTHING. He already planned for us to go shopping the next day. We were leaving for tour in a week.

We took the day to drive down to a very prestigious-looking area of LA to go shopping. While looking for a place to park, I asked him "How am I going to shop here? I brought $40! That can't even get a shirt!"

"Bitch please, you're not allowed to pay."

Ok... can't argue free clothes.

The first few stores were alright. I didn't find anything that I liked, but Ry bought bright red jeans and a Beatles shirt. The next store we went into was a hat store. I looked around the store and found several hats that I loved, but saw no reason to buy them (I'm a very picky shopper. I don't buy it if I don't need it). I tried on one hat and looked in the mirror. I loved how the color matched my eyes. I was sure I could find a dress to wear with it. I took off the hat and looked in the mirror to fix my hair.

My hair.

I never noticed how thin it was now. I used to have layers, but now...it was just...

Ryan came up behind me and laid his hand on my shoulder. "You know that doesn't matter to anyone but you." he said. "Bren still loves you, you're still my best friend, and Jon and Spence still see you as their little sister. Nothing has changed except your hair. Besides, that's an easy fix."

He put the hat back on my head. He was right. Why should it matter. Who was I trying to impress? This was the way things were now and i'll be damned if I dont make the most of it.

"What do you say we go have lunch now?" Ryan suggested.

"Come on, best friend! Let's go!"

Ryan dragged me (almost literally, he's fast) to a cafe on the street we were on. He got us a table outside looking out onto the polished street, lined with flowers and palm trees in true LA fashion. We sat down and ordered scones and tea.

"So...that whole song and dance routine..." I started.

"Yea, that was my idea. It took me forever to get the lights working."

"So that's why you flipped out when Bren said we were leaving."

"You don't even know, do you? Oh! When you were gone, we talked about how he was going to "propose" you go on tour with us. He said he already got the guitar pick engraved and went through your iPod to find your most played songs. I was shocked! In your top 25, not a SINGLE Panic! song!"

"Why have them on my playlist when I have them live?"

"True." He admitted, and sipped on his tea.

Almost two minutes of silence passed before I got the courage to say:

"Is there any chance that Bren might propose...for real?"

"Only if there is a chance you'll say yes."

"Oh."

Ryan paused. "Would you say yes?"

Before I could answer, his phone rang.

"Who is that?" I asked because he immediately hung up on whoever it was.

"...Matthew Grey." He said reluctantly.

"I've heard a lot of that name, I've even met him, but I still have no idea who he is. Nobody will talk. What about you, Ross? Have anything to share on the subject?" I could feel my anger level rising. I hated secrets.

"Ok. You really want to know? He used to be our tour manager. Then he got involved with the wrong people. Me, mostly. We had a fling one summer. And because of me, he met some people that didn't have his best interests in mind. Long story short, he got stuck in a bad situation, ditched us and now some of us would like a little less contact with him than others. When we first met you in the hospital, I wanted to tell you, but Spencer cut me off. Do you remember that?" He said with a smile. "Anyway Spencer doesn't like him at all. Matt talked to me about you. At the time, he was still sort-of our manager, but he was on the way out. Spence and Jon deny that they even know him now. It's sort of sad, actually."

"Oh. That's...somewhat confusing. Thanks for finally telling me."

"No problem. You're one of us now, so you have a right to know."

No matter how many times he has said "you're one of us", it still makes me feel like I belong.

We finished our scones and continued our shopping spree.

"So, Laura. I've been talking to Bren and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we stopped by Victoria's Se-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" I pointed at him menacingly. I stared him down and he stared right back until he waved his eyebrow and we both cracked up laughing. Same old Ryan...

**So, I have a new system: I'm not going to tell you guys when the next chapter will be up because every time I do, it never gets done and I feel bad about leaving you guys hanging. So the next chapter will be up as soon as I have enough time to sit down and write a decent chapter. I have 2 classes and 3 subjects of independent study, so my summer is not a vacation. See you guys next time!**


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm back! Just a short chapter today, and a semi-short chapter next time, but after that...hmmm you'll have to see ;)**

New York. Chicago. Seattle. Houston. All of the places I've always wanted to go, but have never had the chance. All of that in about a month. It was incredible. I got to hang backstage with the production crew and the sound guys while my boys were putting on a show. I would always help them into their costumes and makeup before the show and help them get their buzz down afterwards. We would all sit in the dressing room or the bus, depending on what our venue had. One night, Bren, Jon and I stayed up until 4 in the morning telling jokes and playing halo. Naturally I kicked their asses. Spence and Ryan would occasionally yell at us to quiet down until they woke up at around 9:30 or 10 and saw Bren lying on the couch, me nestled in his arms with my head on his chest and Jon lying on the floor with his legs propped up on the other side of the couch, overlapping Bren's feet. When we woke up at around noon, Spence had laid out a breakfast of orange juice and bagels. As we ate, we looked over the calendar for the next week. I had a meeting with a doctor in Austin in two days. This is the part that I hated. Dr. Harmond and my mom both agreed to let me go on tour (like they could stop me) if I continued my special diet and didn't get too riled up and excited. Oh, and I had to stop at hospitals in major cities every two weeks. Fun.

Luckily, this time, I was only going in for a checkup because the doctors had reduced the number of chemo treatments. I have never heard better news in my life. I was doing better. The tumor had gotten smaller by about 5%. I still had a long way to go though. I was walking back down the hallway to meet the band back in the waiting room when I heard Ryan and Bren arguing. I slid back behind the corner.

"Why can't you just tell him to go away?" Bren pleaded.

"Really? The last time that happened, I got my lip split open. He says he changed, but he hasn't! He's still that drunk, angry prick he was all those years ago!" Ryan retaliated.

"I don't know what to do. He's the reason we're in this mess. You got involved with Matt, so now we have to deal with HIM too! I don't know how long we can keep her safe if he's hell-bent on finding her!"

_What the HELL is going on?_ I thought. Just then, a doctor brushed past me, asking if I needed help finding my way out. My cover was blown. I walked out into the waiting room and out the door, Spencer being the first to follow me out. Knowing there were no words to be said, he just wrapped his arm around my shoulders and walked me out to the parking lot.

Just two weeks later, I had to go in for chemo in Denver. We did 8 shows in the time between hospital visits and everyone was exhausted. We still had a week and a half left of tour. We had a day in Denver for me to recover and the boys went out to party, leaving me alone in the hotel, at my insistence. Little did they know I had another plan.

After they left, I turned to Jon's laptop. I did a Google search on one thing: Ryan Ross.

Sorting through the first few hits of fanfiction and tumblr posts, I came across his Wikipedia page. I scrolled through the intro and the band biography, but that didn't give me what I was looking for. I searched Ryan Ross's dad. It didn't give me any specifics, but I did read something nice about how Ryan and Spencer knew each other since they were little kids. I also read that Ryan had half siblings. I never knew that. That made me realize: there is so much I don't know about Ryan, Bren Jon and Spence. So many secrets, so many hidden pasts...yet I am living with them on a tour bus. It should bother me, but it didn't.

I had to lie down for a few minutes because the chemo came with rounds of headaches and nausea that were unbelievably strong. I must have fallen asleep because when the boys came back and woke me up, the clock said 11:45 when it had said 1:30 before hand. I was going to have fun getting to sleep tonight.

**Hope you liked it!**


	22. Chapter 22

As much as I love being on tour, I was so ready to go home. I could tell the boys were getting worn out as well. Tonight was our last concert and the tour manager was nice enough to let us have it in Las Vegas. We could finally go home. Well, for me, Reno was a few hours away but I was staying with the boys for another four days until they could all come up to Reno for my birthday. Somehow, I had a feeling I wouldn't like this birthday. The doctors said I only had a year...

I was knocked out of my daydream when Jon tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey, you alright? Don't fall asleep on us now! We've got an after party to go to!"

I smiled. "Do you guys need help with costumes and makeup?"

"Yea, your boyfriend looks like a drag queen. You may want to save him before Rya-"

He was cut off by a girly scream.

"-before Ryan finds him." He finished, his face scrunched.

We rushed back into the dressing room to find Ry pinning down Bren to the table, a tissue in hand furiously attempting to wipe away the makeup while Bren was fighting back.

"ALRIGHT LADIES, BREAK IT UP!" I yelled in the doorway. Instantly, Bren pushed Ryan off, taking advantage of the distraction. "Five minutes to show time, let's make it a good one!" I walked over to Bren and carefully helped him fix his makeup until I just couldn't resist and kissed him instead.

"Show time." I smiled as I let him go.

"Hmmm, pity." He turned and left to the stage, screaming girls wetting themselves in the audience. They had no idea he was really everything they imagined, and more.

The set passed by, and then the encore, and then the 'I don't want to leave either, let's do another song' song went by before they started to usher people out.

"Wait, guys! Where are you going? We still have one more to do!" What was he doing?

"Before I get started on this, I want to tell you guys a little story. A few months ago, I hit a bit of a low."

"Bren, what are you doing?" Ryan interjected.

Brendon ignored him. "A few months ago, I was depressed, angry, and didn't see much of a point in my life. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going. I just wanted to do something good. A few months ago, I had the opportunity to do just that. Someone came to us asking for help, not for him, but for someone he had just met. He met a girl named Laura who had lung cancer. The one thing she wanted more than anything was to meet us. Little did I know that we weren't just visiting a cancer patient, we were going on the journey of our lives. Laura is unlike any woman I've ever known. I guess...I guess that's why I'm in love with her. I'd like to dedicate this song to my girlfriend. Laura, come on out here so I can sing to you!"

I slowly and awkwardly made my way out to the stage, feeling underdressed in my jeans-and-a-T-shirt outfit. I could see Ross shaking his head in disapproval as the crowd went wild. Not gonna lie, I was expecting a very negative response from the girls in the audience, but knew they were cheering because they felt sorry for me. Just what I was trying to avoid, but I'll deal with that later. I was greeted with a hug by Bren and they started to serenade me with "When the Day Met the Night".

About halfway through the song, Bren put his hand on my cheek and wiped away a tear I didn't realize was there. I was crying, but not for the reason he thought.

**Next chapter, shit gets real O.o**


	23. Chapter 23

Around 9 in the afternoon (I refuse to call it evening), Bren and I were hanging out in my room. He had out his guitar and we were singing random songs. Bren played the ending chords to "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie and smiled at me.

"Come join me." I beckoned on my supersized egg chair.

We snuggled with each other and started talking.

"You know, one day, we are going to get out of here. We can buy a house together, travel the world, live life to the fullest, no regrets and holding nothing back." he suggested passionately.

"When do we start?" I asked.

"Whenever you like. We have all the time in the world. We could have forever if you really wanted."

"Forever and always?"

"Forever and always."

"Hmmm... My birthday is in the morning, so not then. You have an interview with Rolling Stones in a few days... After that, we can leave anytime."

"Have a bag packed and I'll pick you up right after the interview." he smiled.

"But what about Jon and Spence and Ryan? Will they be joining us?"

"Only if you want them to"

"Well, of course I do, but for God sakes, can we get more than one hotel room? Disneyland was fun, but good god that turned awkward fast!" I laughed.

"Does this mean I get to share a room with my beautiful girlfriend?"

"Don't get any ideas-" I stopped, catching my reflection in the mirror.

"What's wrong?" Brendon asked, worried.

"You called me beautiful." I said, still staring in the mirror, becoming more self-conscious.

"Why wouldn't I? It's true. You are the most beautiful, the strongest, and the most courageous girl I have ever met."

"I have no hair, my skin is pale and clammy, my muscles get weaker and I get sicker every day. I am reminded of that every time I look in the mirror. I don't even recognize myself."

"Well it's a good thing I recognize you. To me, you are still the same girl I met in that hospital room. Vibrant and luminous... And perfect. As for the other problem," he got up, stole a spare blanket from my bed, and threw it over the mirror. "Problem solved. Now do you believe me? I wouldn't care if you had three arms and webbed feet. You are mine, I am yours, and I fall in love with you more and more each day. Isn't that enough?"

I answered with a kiss.

"Love you." I said.

"I love you too. I should get you to bed, you have a big day tomorrow."

I looked at the clock. It was just past 11:30. Had we really spent that much time singing and talking? I crawled into my bed and watched as he turned around to leave.

"Bren?"

"Yes love?"

"Tell me a story."

"What?"

"Didn't your parents ever tell you bedtime stories?"

"Unless you count the Book of Mormon."

"No, I don't."

"Here, I have something better." Bren got his guitar and a stool, put it up right next to the bed, and started to play Billy Joel's "Lullaby". He sang to me softly.

_Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes_

_And save these questions for another day_

_I think I know what you've been asking me_

_I think you know what I've been trying to say_

_I promised I would never leave you_

_And you should always know_

_Wherever you may go, no matter where you are_

_I never will be far away_

___Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep_

_And still so many things I want to say_

_Remember all the songs you sang for me_

_When we went sailing on an Emerald Bay_

_And like a boat out on the ocean_

_I'm rocking you to sleep_

_The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart_

_You'll always be a part of me__  
><em>_Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream_

_And dream how wonderful your life will be_

_Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby_

_Then in your heart, there will always be a part of me_

_Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on_

_They never die, that's how you and I will be_

I was half asleep when he finished the song. He set the guitar down lightly and kissed the top of my head.

"Sweet dreams, my love. I'll be back soon. Every moment away from you is one too many."

He silently slid out the door, softly shutting it behind him. In my tired daze, only after he left did I mutter "Stay."

Just when I thought the boys had stopped surprising me with their antics, they found something new. When I woke up on the morning of my 19th birthday, four men who I thought had gone home the night before, were sitting around my kitchen table, absolutely swimming in balloons, streamers, and glitter. I assumed the last part had a lot to do with Ryan, but what can you do? It took then a while to notice me in the midst of their chatter, but when they did, they instantly stopped. Groggily, and still in my rumpled pajamas, I made my way over to grab my tea mug.

"If you're going to have a party, for God sakes, make sure I'm decent first!" I called over my shoulder, nonchalantly filling my mug.

I sat down and tried to sort my thoughts. Sipping my tea, I slowly woke up. It finally hit me.

"We're having a PARTY?"

"What else are we supposed to do on your birthday?" Spencer asked.

"I don't know, pig out, watch Sherlock and have a sleepover?" I suggested.

"Dude," John said "We do that every weekend. Let's have a legit party!"

What I didn't bring up is that we did have a real party last week. They treated it like a party, but for me , it was a wakeup call.

*Flashback*

I called Brendon and asked him to come over. He could tell I had been crying, so he knew to bring Spencer too. He could always calm me down. When they got to my house, they found me on the couch, curled up in a ball with my fists clenched. At first they thought I was in pain because my knuckles were turning white. When they got me to sit up and take some water, they saw what I was holding: a fist full of hair. There was a corresponding clump missing from my head. After half an hour of my incomprehensible babble, Spencer calmed me down and made tea. They reminded me what the doctor said about this.

"I don't care what he said," I whined, " I just don't like it to be uneven and matted and gross like this!"

The two men sitting on opposite sides of me smiled at each other. They had a plan. Shit.

"Bren, you stay here, I'll go get them." Spencer said as he grabbed his keys.

"Do I want to know?"

Bren failed to fight his smile.

"Thought so."

20 minutes later, my front door opened again, this time with three men and a sheet coming through it.

"Go sit in one of the chairs in the kitchen." Ryan ordered.

"Why?" I inquired, a bit nervous.

"You're getting a makeover, honey!" he beamed.

Spencer wrapped the sheet around me as Ryan started up the razor. The buzzing sound scared the hell out of me at first, but as soon as it touched my head, it was almost relaxing, like a massage. Jon took to the task of painting my nails, while Bren worked at my feet. I was enjoying my spa treatment when I realized they had stopped. I was almost sad.

"Ready to see?" Ryan asked.

"No. Let's go!"

I padded to the mirror in the bathroom and stopped. I kept waiting for the mirror to show Laura. All it did was show me a girl with heavy eyes and no hair. It took me a minute to realize...then my heart sank to the floor. _"This was actually happening to me. This is me."_ Bren put his hand on my shoulder. My facial expression must have given away my thoughts. I turned around to face my friends in the hallway.

"I appreciate what you did for me, but I honestly don't know what I can say. How can I go out without people feeling sorry for me? Without them noticing _this_ and wondering how much time I have left?"

"People feel sorry for you not because they think you are weak, but because they can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes and still _want _to go out. To have the strength to face the world with the passion most healthy people don't have. As for time, you have as much time as you want- that's all up to you."

"Spencer? Have I told you that I love you recently?"

"I don't think you've ever told me that."

"Oh." I fell into his hug as little salty drops filled my eyes. Suddenly, arms were encircling me from all around and I could feel a warm glow of...of _love_ radiating about us.

"But seriously," I mentioned as we broke off the group hug, "I have no hair. What am I going to do?"

They all contemplated for a moment, until Ryan spoke up "Do you remember that scarf I gave you?"

*End flashback*

"Why not? Let's have a party. Let me go get dressed." I answered Jon.

A few minutes later, I emerged in a white sundress with little purple flowers and the scarf Ryan had given to me wrapped around my head like a bandana.

My mom walked through the door and set down a pink box on the kitchen table. That could only mean one thing: Doughnuts. I think I should explain. When I turned four, my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said I wanted to try a doughnut. I had never eaten one before. So now, every year on my birthday, and ONLY on my birthday, we have doughnuts instead of cake. That's the story.

The entire day went by with nothing but funny jokes and anecdotes, just me, my mom, and my best friends. Just the way I wanted it. As we were finishing off the last of the doughnuts around six in the evening, we heard a knock on the door.

"Are we expecting anyone?" I asked.

"No." was the collective answer.

**Ahhh! Cliffhanger! I know, I'm terrible. Just so you know, the next few chapters are pretty heavy on the emotional side. So was this one, but on a lighter scale. It has been just past a year since I posted chapter one, and I think now is a good time to say a few things.**

**1. I cannot even describe how thankful I am to have you (yes, you, who is reading this sentence) supporting my story. Everyone who has read, followed, favorited, and especially my loyal reviewers mean everything to me. I know I've never really been consistent with my updates, so thanks for understanding that life gets in the way.**

**2. Since the story is about to take a dramatic turn, I want to explain the background of this story. About a year and a half ago, I had an odd dream about what would happen if I got sick and could only have one wish. That wish was to combine two of my loves- Disneyland and Panic! So that became the first few chapters of the story. After that, I was at a loss of what to do. I wanted to make it a full length story, but couldn't find the plot. I decided to make it what it is today because of a friend I had in elementary school. Scratch that, a **_**sister**_** I had in elementary school. We were joined at the hip until the day she told me she had an inoperable brain tumor. I was scared and didn't know what to do, so we drifted apart, but I always stood by her, noticing how she was the strongest person I knew, even if she was just 10 years old. A year after her diagnosis, she passed away, leaving people in countries across the world inspired by her story, and leaving me lost and confused. I realized that I never got to tell her the things I wanted to tell her. I never got to tell her how much I loved her. She was the closest friend I ever had. The antics in the story (food games, shopping, dancing) were all things we did together. The last thing I got to do with her was help her shave her head. She was so proud of it- it made her individual, but her initial reaction was similar to in this story. Up until this point, many things I included were things we shared (some are obviously not) but still. I wanted to pay homage to my best friend. Even though it has been many years, I still think about her every day. From the next chapter until the end of the story is my interpretation of what would have happened if she had survived and grown up with the rest of us. Again, some things are dramatized to fit the story, but many are things that I could imagine her doing (I can't tell you any though-spoilers!)**

**I don't mean for this to be a pity party, I just want you guys to know why I wrote this and why I wrote things the way I did. I'll update as soon as I can!**


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